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In Defense of King Abiy Ahmed Ali the fake King

By Teka
Tigrai Online, April 2, 2019

In Defense of King Abiy Ahmed Ali the fake King of Ethiopia
This useless devil incarnate is destroying a country built by the blood of Ethiopians over the years.

Dear PM Abiy Ahmed, I just wanted to talk to you heart to heart. Just like two buddies, you know. Only buddies can tell each other the truth, so bear with me.

First, though many people have not realized that your status as a KING, based on what you told us and based on some of your actions, I do not have any other option but accept you as a king, Emperor Abiy Ahmed I (first).

Hereafter, I will address you therefore accordingly-Your Highness! It so happens also that your first name “Abiy” translates to The Great, is it not amazing? This cannot be a mere coincidence. How come someone did not foresee it, I mean about you being The Great, just like they did about your becoming a king someday?  I can even address you like, uh like, Emperor Ahmed the Great, right? Would that be OK with you? I bet you will be happy with that. I have grown to know you in the last few months that flattery is your source of energy, so a little bit of flattery here and there would not hurt.

You see, your Highness, the first time I realized how wise you were, as wise as king Solomon, was when you started talking about Medemer and Emmiye Ethiopia and so on and on and on. I couldn’t help it but admire you for your vision for Ethiopia, a country that you are told by your mother you would be a King of for many years to come. I was so relieved when you told us how you declined the offer from a French woman in Ruanda to take you to France. I do not blame her. Honestly, you are handsome and charismatic. But you chose to decline her offer and you opted to wait the foretell that your wise mother told you when you were a 7 year old boy to be realized. Thank God you did not accept that offer. Had you accepted it, who would be the guy brave enough to make sure that all those oppressors go to where they belong (you know whom I am talking about) who made Ethiopia a country of 27 years  of darkness. Can you imagen a country with 10% annual growth for the last three decades and yet dark? Is it not so sad?

Your highness, you were brave enough to purge the old swamp and bring brand new swamp from abroad. Hey, a swamp made in the US or Europe is far better than a homemade swamp, right?

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Boy, your wisdom was so manifestly clear mainly during two occasions:

  • The first one was during the first rally in Meskel Square when people came out in masse to show you their love and support. That day, some horrible people attempted to kill you. Besides your calmness after the incident, I was amazed by your quick and thoughtful conclusion. You knew right away who had done it, just a gut feeling. You did not waste time to give the public some hint who might have done it. Of course, your devoted supporters got your message sound and clear. The Woyanes were trying to assassinate you for the obvious reasons, except the culprits were found to be later from your own base. Hey, they, I mean the Woyanes, still could have paid them to do their dirty job. The Woyanes can do anything possible to discredit you and disrupt this awesome change that they themselves initiated long before you became the PM, sorry, the King. ( I am talking about the change that you, with your wisdom and tact, hijacked the and gave it to your people).  I was so proud of your quick thinking and decisiveness, however, when you made that confusing and divisive speech right after the attempt. It is so insane to hear that some people believe that you orchestrated the attempt, just like the Venezuelan Maduro. Idiots!  
  • The second time was when that guy that you called “the Engineer”, what was his name? Oh yeah, Engineer Simegnih Bekele was killed/murdered while you were on your way to the so coveted tour to the most loyal and patriotic fan base of yours in the US. You did not dare to cancel your trip to make sure this case was thoroughly investigated, like some full leaders would have done. Also you did not even dare to say his full name when some foolish anti-change and unpatriotic people in the diaspora ( did you say he was from the North?) tried to challenge you about the suspicious circumstances of his death. What was you said while answering the question?  “…a killing of an engineer compared to the death of  so many Oromo kids…”? That was classic and compassionate, Your highness!!

Can you believe that those people who were pressing on the issue were people from the same region? You know what I am talking about. What is wrong with this people? Uh? I was so impressed of your wisdom, your Highness, by the way you replied to one of them. Oh man, you killed that one!! What was that you said? Oh yeah! “Egna ke demu nitsuh nen ltelu new?” Man, you nailed it, your Highness. What a unifier King you are!! Of course it was THEM, except your own federal investigators ruled it a suicide. Of course it was a suicide!! Duh! I get so mad even when some people doubt the conclusion of the federal police on the case. How dare they? The Engineer was found dead in the middle of a busy street and the gun was found on his right hand side, but the bullet seemed to enter through his left temple. They ask “how could have he done it?” Hey you fools! He is an engineer!! Period!! Case closed!

You keep amazing me, you Highness! I have never been prouder of my Ethiopianness. The measures that you took as soon as you were crowned showed your true royal character. First thing first, reestablish relationships with other Kings or wannabe kings. Therefore, you did not waste any time on befriending with Essayas, the other awesome dictator, sorry King. Your next move was to go and visit the royalty of Saudi Arabia with your new buddy King Essayas. It only makes sense, doesn’t it?

If you ask me, I believe that you will soon be called The King of Kings. If I were you, though, I wouldn’t tell this to King Essayas. I know he would like to get that title as well. Believe me, I know for sure he does.

Your wisdom is incalculable, your Highness. Thanks to your great leadership, Ethiopia is registering an enviable growth in all sectors.

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Just to mention few:

  • There are five government-built industrial parks that have created about 45,000 jobs for Ethiopians and four private industrial parks. In some instances, the industrial parks have performed well, such as the Bole Lemi industrial park outside Addis. Other parks, such as Hawassa, have experienced difficulties with labor, staff retention, and productivity. Ethiopia is aiming to create 30 industrial parks by 2025 in order to increase jobs, generate export revenue, and grow the manufacturing sector from 5 percent to 22 percent of the economy’s productivity. Such brands as Michael Kors, H&M, Children’s Place, and apparel giant PVH are already sourcing products from the country ( the above was taken from some article I read recently). Who achieves such a miracle in such short period of time? You, your Highness made this possible!! Do not listen to those who tell you all the above was achieved prior to your being crowned. Nein, Nein! You did all this!
  • Ethiopia has been one of the continent’s best economic performers, growing at a rate of 10 percent for the past 15 years. It has been a model of state-directed development with a government that permitted no political opposition but invested heavily in infrastructure, agriculture, education, and other sectors (taken from an article written somewhere) Well, though it was 27 years of darkness, still, you were part of it, right?  I feel so proud when you show off all these developments to any dignitary who visits you.  Though you told us many times of the horrible 27 years of darkness, you told the dignitaries in Davos the amazing growth Ethiopia showed in the last few decades. That is what impresses me: Your ability to tell two opposite stories depending who is listening. You are the man, my dear King!
  • Now we are number One in IDP!!! Yes, we finally managed to be number One in something thanks to your wise leadership, your Highness. Some idiots say that IDP stands for Internally Displaced People, and they even say that The U.N. estimates that 2.4 million Ethiopians have been displaced by intercommunal violence. Are you kidding me? how ignorant! IDP stands for Intellectually Developed People! IDP, yes Ethiopia  number One. Syria used to be Number One, sorry Syria, you are no more number One. We are, thanks for our dear and wise King,!!
  • There has been an increase in ethnic violence, mainly between the Oromo community and other minority groups, since your crowning. Yes, increase is always good, right?

I love the fact that you do not hesitate to make sure that people admire you. You love, like many Kings before you, the adulation and constant praise. Actually, I read somewhere not long ago a paragraph that says:

Those who have met the prime minister (I guess they meant to say The King) worry over his tendency to show off his accomplishments while revealing little about his plans to tackle the country's challenges. Abiy (they mean King Abiy) made headlines last October by appointing a cabinet in which half the ministers were women. But critics say he has taken power into his own hands and sidelined government ministries.

"It's a one-man show... it's not a functional government," one foreign diplomat told AFP, adding that among embassies, "a few eyebrows are now rising."

Duh! These morons, what do they expect, that is how all Kings behave. It is Kings’ God Given responsibility to take things on their own hands, your Highness! Do not listen to these distractors.

Your Highness, just a reminder, add more English words while speaking to Ethiopians. That makes you look more  intelligent and more  intellectual. Your predecessor (Meles) never uttered a single English word unless necessary while speaking in any local language. What a fool and stupid he was! Huh!

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Oh man, how can I not mention the fact that you built an awesome Republican Guard! That only puts you above any contender as King of Kings. And when you dress your military attire while you are still the King, it just makes me feel so safe. I wonder why Eisenhower or Kennedy, or Bush senior for that matter never put their military attire while they were US presidents. They all were either in the army, or led the biggest military coalition (Eisenhower) or they were a decorated US Air Force pilot (Bush Sr). You also remind me of the late Gadhafi with your beautiful military attire.

Your highness, you are just Awesome!!

Long Live Emperor Abiy Ahmed I The Great!!

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